My body betrays me
The skin on my back mourns the absence of your lips
The memory of your scent haunts every inhale
But I am more than this body
This flesh
This heart
Love is not the conqueror you imagine Her to be
I have grown wise to the traps She would set
Because I am more than this body, I am vast
Sometimes what Love would have me surrender to
Is not sufficient to fill me
I refuse to ever go empty again for Her sake
the taste of you is heavy on my tongue
still
i don’t want to be rid of you
yet
my body is thick with the regret of all the ways I forgot to touch you
my pulse, a secret that lives only for you
first beat
i miss the soft flesh of where your neck meets your skull behind your left earlobe
second beat
i imagine my lips there, my nose brushing the rough stubble of your shorn scalp
third beat,
where are you now?
who will hold this rotting confession and make it fresh again?
you are the sapphire medallion of my broken heart and I want to keep you
use you to prop the crack open so the wound never heals
our love was meant to die like this
festered and bleeding
Remember the one who bent your back
Ripped your heart from your chest
And buried it in snow
I placed her, a bitter wafer, on your tongue
And you held her there till she melted
Remember the one who ran from you,
Danced stunning pirouettes just out of reach
Of your hungry hands, grasping for just
A taste of that skin on your palm
I chased her across the sky to the moon
Where she became a handful of silver I brought home to you
Remember all those lithe bodies that I could never be
Those clenched fists and jaws so full of certainty and purpose
Tongues soft and warm and ready with words
All the right words that fit into you in all the right places
Remember how they swarmed and buzzed
How I smeared my nectar, careful, thick, on your skin
To woo them closer
To beg them stay
To have them fill you
Remember how you told me that you could never love me like that
So sweet and heavy like that
That you were still searching for the one
That held all the want and hunger
But was still light enough to fly
And take you with her
The one that was strong enough to to be what you needed
But not need you
Remember how I tried to be all that and more for you?
Remember how I failed you?
How I broke too easily beneath your gaze
I hope you find that woman
The one who will be as tough as nails
Even when she lets you into the softest parts of her
remember that girl?
the one who bent your back,
ripped your heart from your chest
and buried it in snow
remember her?
i placed her, a bitter wafer, on your tongue
and you held her there till she melted
remember that girl?
the one who ran from you,
danced stunning pirouettes just out of reach
of your hungry hands, grasping for just
a taste of that skin on your palm
remember her?
i chased her across the sky to the moon
where she became a handful of silver I brought home to you
Remember all those girls, those women
Those lithe bodies that I could never be
Those clenched fists and jaws so full of certainty
And purpose. Tongues soft and warm and ready with words
All the right words that fit into you in all the right places
Remember how they swarmed and buzzed
How I smeared the nectar, careful, thick, on your skin
To woo them closer
To beg them stay
To have them fill you
Remember how you told me that you could never love me like that
So sweet and heavy like that
That you were still searching for the right one
The perfect one
The one that held all the want and hunger
But was still light enough to take fly
And take you with her
The one that was strong enough to want you
And not need you
Remember how I tried to be all that and more for you?
Remember how I failed you?
I am done now.
Keep looking for that woman
Who will be as tough as nails
Even when she lets you into the softest parts of her.
I hope you find her.