truth

i am reckless with my heart
This is truth

i love You beyond the realm of necessity
This too, is truth

i break at the thought of never being Yours
This is NOT truth

Even if it were
i have been broken before
i know how relentless this body i call home is

It will never surrender
Even when i beg it to (and i have)
It will mend and grow and move with time

And now finally is the most tragic truth:
i wish it would not

Because this time i do not want to mend
i want to stay broken

But breaking is NOT truth

After all the heart never really breaks
It merely twists and bleeds

It pulses forever at the center of a hunger that will not yield to reason

My body betrays me

My body betrays me
The skin on my back mourns the absence of your lips
The memory of your scent haunts every inhale

But I am more than this body
This flesh
This heart

Love is not the conqueror you imagine Her to be
I have grown wise to the traps She would set

Because I am more than this body, I am vast

Sometimes what Love would have me surrender to
Is not sufficient to fill me

I refuse to ever go empty again for Her sake

Letting Go (26/365) {1st draft}

There were moments when this felt
Not so much like a letting go
As it did a tearing of limb from joint
I look down at my body now in wonder
When did I become whole?
There is no pool of blood
No fragments of bone scattered
No flesh laid bare and useless
I flex and muscle tauts
I inhale and lungs expand
Nothing hurts anymore
In some ways this too feels like loss

Fool (22/365) {1st draft}

Fool, you believe winter has come here just for you? This is what she does. We all feel her chill at some point, that sharp bitter cold that cuts right through your chest and leaves you aching. But this does not mean you should lie huddled in the snow waiting for death. So come in, shake that ice from your heart, I have fire enough for both of us and I promise when springtime comes for you (and she will) I will not hold you here. I will send you out, thawed and new, into her open arms.

Be Good to Yourself (14/365) {1st draft}

be good to yourself
i am no longer in the business of mending my men

if you believe you are the worst thing that happened to her
then you are

if you believe she is the best lesson life is still teaching you
then she is

but belief is a fickle jailer
she will free you when you least expect it

and when she is gone
how you will miss the loving embrace of her cage

Dear John

In a wisp of a moment
I saw it
In the split of a second I grabbed it
And when the moment to cherish surrendered
I found it was no more so splendid
So now in my darkness I shudder
I wonder what madness can save me
From a death so sweet as it courts me
Like a knight to his temptress forbidden
If somehow my heart does surrender
To a love so dense that it poisons
Then maybe this all will be over
Like the flutter of wings on a fly
As it struggles relentless yet futile
To escape the embrace of it’s fate, too late
No time for tender good-byes now
The day has grown short
The dark is so near
A whimsical song in the background
Sends a chill through my veins as I listen
For a beat that will nurture my sanity
As I climb through this fog that clings
Like the tentacles of those who would eat me
And you insist I believe this was meant to be
But who invented this destiny
That captures by force
And has no remorse
For dreams and desires and passions to be more
Although my rambles may leave you uncertain
Please know that indeed I do love you
And if you look closely
One day, maybe, you’ll see me